Category Archives: Movies

Final “Three Stooges” Trailer Debuts, Is Awful

The Three Stooges phenomenon was coughing through its last few drops of cultural fuel when I was a kid — I remember their shorts airing on afternoon TV, between Gilligan’s Island reruns and episodes of Woody Woodpecker — which is why, I guess, people were willing to cut the Farrelly brothers a nice check to update the Stooges’ timeless blend of infantile humor and flawless physical comedy for the 21st century.

It makes sense, is what I’m saying, but it’s still a patently awful idea, especially when the Stooges’ classic films are readily available at very reasonable prices. Seriously, if you think your kids will enjoy the Stooges, just pony up a few extra dollars for one of the many DVD box sets for sale at that Amazon link back there. You’ll get a lot more film for your buck, and none of it will make you nauseous with dread, which is how I felt sitting through the Farrellys’ latest (and, God willing, last) trailer for their exceedingly ill-advised Stooges reboot.

Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you, but watch if you must. And while you’re watching, ask yourself whether it wouldn’t have been a cheaper, easier, and all-around better idea to simply remaster some of the original classics and reissue them. Now that would be a film that dads could happily take their kids to see. This? This is just garbage.

Fairy Tales, Darkness, and the New “Snow White and the Huntsman” Trailer

I think it’s sort of a rite of parenting passage to sit down with your children and an old kiddie classic book/film, only to discover that its themes are quite a bit more grown-up than you remember.

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It’s something that you struggle with even if you approach family entertainment from an academic perspective, or if you make a point of avoiding helicopter parenting; no matter how deep your intellectual/historical understanding of the material, I think it’s hard not to shy away from exposing your kids to dark/scary/complicated themes before they’re “ready.”

I struggle with this and I hate myself for it, partly because — like a lot of parents — we’ve leaned heavily on older titles with our kids, and I figure if parents didn’t worry that The Wizard of Oz was too dark for their little ones in 1900, or that Hansel and Gretel were going to give the kids screaming nightmares in the 1800s, then why am I flinching inwardly and editing out the nasty bits in 2012?

These are the things I thought about while watching the new trailer for Snow White and the Huntsman. Not necessarily because I think this is a movie full of thought-provoking subtext, but because I’d like to believe Huntsman was sparked by a desire to take fairy tales back to their bloody, violent roots — and even if it ends up being just another crappy action/adventure flick (which, let’s face it, it probably will be), that desire is sort of noble, and something that might even signal a shift away from today’s bubble-wrapped parenting philosophy.

Uh, not that I’m advocating taking your kids to see Snow White and the Huntsman, you understand. But let’s talk about our role as cultural gatekeepers for our kids. How much do you edit stuff when you’re reading books or watching films that contain troublesome themes? How much do you trust your children to handle?

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And do you feel like we’ve gone too far when it comes to sheltering our kids from the big bad world?

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“The Garbage Pail Kids” Will Return to Theaters

In 1986, when I was in seventh grade, Garbage Pail Kids were all the rage, and I was one of the most avid collectors in my school (much to my parents’ chagrin).

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By the time The Garbage Pail Kids Movie came out in August of 1987, I couldn’t have cared less (and judging from the box office receipts, those feelings were shared by most of my peers). Ultimately, it went down as one of the worst flops (and critical disasters) in the history of modern film.

I guess what I’m saying is this: My jaw dropped a little when I read that the Tornate Company, a production shingle run by ex-Disney CEO Michael Eisner, is planning a new Garbage Pail Kids Movie. I mean, it’s obvious that Hollywood has an unquenchable thirst for easily rebooted brands, but the Garbage Pail Kids? Really? How can anyone expect this to end well?

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One positive sign: The new-look Garbage Pail Kids Movie is being directed by PES, (aptly) described by Collider as an “acclaimed creator of a number of stop-motion animated shorts.” So if nothing else, it should at least look better than the original film, which was unrelentingly cheap and ugly. On the other hand, I’m not sure Garbage Pail Kids were ever supposed to be anything but cheap and ugly.

Take a look at a PES short — and the trailer for the original Garbage Pail Kids Movie — below. Will you be watching the reboot?

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PES: Fresh Guacamole

Trailer for The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987)